3 Common Issues


Recently, I contributed to an online dating publication. The journalist wanted my input on common problems that occur in relationships.

These difficulties occur in almost all relationships with, of course, some very few exceptions. It occurs less in relationships where one or both people guard against these problems because of wisdom or intuition. This involves awareness and effort. And there are some relationships which I call "soul mates".

I have encountered 2 couples so far in my personal life where things are just effortlessly easy, fulfilling and fun. But most of us do not fit into that category and therefore, must be proactive to fight against these issues.

  • Taking each other for granted is a relationship killer. Essentially after being together for some time and feeling secure with one another, there is a tendency to put less effort into the relationship. Small things or big things that happened that made your partner feel loved, special and appreciated don't happen anymore. This also takes a form of carelessness about one's appearance and efforts to be attractive and desired by your mate. My advice: think about your partner and particularly about what would make him or her feel happier, more values, desired and wanted. Most infidelities happen because people want to feel special and attractive.

  • Sex and romance take a second or third seat and becomes boring. Sexual intensity and frequency tend to decrease as a relationship progresses. Changes in desire, busy schedules, other responsibilities, work pressures, stress lead to diminished activity and sexual desire, which, by the way, is the most common sexual problem facing couples and sex therapists today. Sexual intimacy and romance are important to most people and if they do not get it in their relationship they may get depressed or look for it elsewhere. Even if they don't look for it, if there is an opportunity, they go for it. And even if there are no extramarital affairs, there will be resentment and distance in a relationship. My advice is to prioritize sex. It is critical to think about it and create time and space for it.

  • You don't have fun anymore. One of the common relationship issues for couples that have been together for a while is that they start having less fun and life in general feels less exciting. There are no more fun spontaneous trips, adventures, and outings. There is a tendency to not do new things or even things you did when you were first together. It is critical to have some fun and think of fun things you can do together besides go out to have dinner. It's important to continue having fun.

For further inquiries:

Check out Irina Firstein, LCSW, at https://www.nyccouplestherapists.com

Phone: (212) 953- 1388