3 Ways to Get the Spark Back


Over time married life can become less romantic, more routine, disconnected, and businesslike. In other words, it can become quite disappointing. This disconnect becomes a fertile soil for extra-marital affairs, separation and/or depression. The reasons for this are numerous and predictable. Most people don't think their marriages need care and thought. Many take each other and their relationship for granted. This is the biggest mistake you can make in your marriage, and it almost always means trouble.

Awareness of this reality means that in order to preserve your marriage and to have a good solid relationship, we all have to think about it and constantly do things to keep it alive and exciting.

1. Monogamy in a marriage cannot be taken for granted. Therefore, even though we all know that sex and romance do not stay the same forever, it is very important to think about its importance and create space for time alone. This allows for physical and emotional intimacy. For couples with children, it is critical to make time away, if even for a day or two without kids on a regular basis or as much as possible. A date night once a week is good but may not be enough. Much attention should be given to your emotional and physical connection and a regular sexual relationship is a big part of it. It is a priority.

2. Another way in which you can spark your marriage is to go out of your way to let the other partner know and feel that they are important. It is especially important to make transitions in your daily life meaningful, i.e. time you part in the morning, when one of you comes back at the end of the day, bedtime. Also go out of your way to show the other person you are thinking of them. Make or buy their favorite food, schedule their favorite activity, buy tickets to their favorite show.

3. My last suggestion in this same vain is shut your phone and all other electronic gadgets off when you reunite with your spouse or are simply with them, at least for much of the time. Show them how important and special they are. Instead of staring into your phone, talk to them, touch them, be with them. Do things you used to do when you were dating. Ask questions and share your experiences as if this is new, which it always is....

For further inquiries:

Check out Irina Firstein, LCSW, at https://www.nyccouplestherapists.com

Phone: (212) 953- 1388