5 Common Dating Mistakes
Recently I, along with a few of my colleagues, was interviewed by BuzzFeed on the topic of dating pitfalls.
I wanted to share with you some of the more salient points of the article, not all of them are made by me, but these are the points that I think are especially important.
One of the therapists feels that Googling or Social media research is not a good idea. I actually disagree with this, as I think you can learn a lot about the person you are about to meet. It is also helpful to do this after a date. Going on Google can reveal a lot of information as well as verify if what the person presents about him/herself is true. I think this is important to know as soon as possible. In terms of social media, what the person posts about themselves, what comments they make and the pictures on their profile, while not a sure thing, is telling.
Ignoring someone because you don't want to hurt their feelings is not a good thing. This is another point made by the same therapist which I very much agree with. If the person reaches out to you and you are not interested in seeing them again, there is a kind way to tell them. Ignoring them or "ghosting" them is disrespectful and promotes the brutal reality of internet dating.
One of the points I made in the interview is that when you meet someone on a dating app or site, it is safe to assume that they are dating other people. After you have had 3-4 dates and you are starting to like them, it is a good idea to find out if the feeling is mutual and say that you want to keep dating, but exclusively. If there is a push back, I would reevaluate the situation.
Another big point is whether to obsess over how soon the person texts you or responds to your texts. While the suggestion is that you go about your life, if their responses take a long time, it is a warning sign. It may be as simple as the person is seeing multiple people and wants to maintain distance on purpose, or it can be they are simply too busy to become a good partner.
Finally, related to a previous point, a lack of follow up after a few dates, also is a red flag. While it is not something to take too personally, it may be a sign for you to move on.
For further inquiries:
Check out Irina Firstein, LCSW, at https://www.nyccouplestherapists.com
Phone: (212) 953- 1388