Considerations for Marrying a Recovering Alcoholic
My Future Spouse Is A Recovering Alcoholic and Now In AA. I Want To Marry But What Considerations Should I Have?
The good thing about your spouse being in recovery is that he/she is in the process of getting better and healthier. You should make it your business to learn as much as you can about recovery and perhaps attend some AL - ANON meetings so you can understand the addiction world, what it means and takes to be in recovery and your role in living with someone who tries to stay abstinent from alcohol "one day at a time".
It is also important to know what your spouse is talking about when they go to "meetings", which most recovering alcoholics do. It is a significant part of their world and you should know about it as you would want to about any other important part of their life. I think it is very important to understand all the aspects of dealing with this life long process and sometimes daily struggle.
Another issue you need to discuss with your future spouse is what if any support he/she needs from you in the process of their recovery and day to day life. Can you have alcohol in your house, are they OK with you drinking alcohol in front of them, do you serve drinks in social situations in your home. This greatly varies with people but it is important to understand the needs and reality of your partner and also know that the "rules" may change, depending how your partner's recovery is unfolding.
It helps to look at this as if your partner has an illness or a vulnerability and to appreciate how difficult their road to recovery may have been or possibly continues to be.
It is a good idea to know and understand your future spouse's drinking history, what made her or him decide to stop as well as how they stopped, what treatment in any they received, etc.
Recovery from alcohol or drugs is not an event, but a life long process in which you will have a part and will have to learn about and understand. If your future spouse is in therapy, maybe you can have a session or two, with him or her and the therapist together, to understand better about their life and struggles.
For further inquiries:
Check out Irina Firstein, LCSW, at https://www.nyccouplestherapists.com
Phone: (212) 953- 1388