Dear Clueless Husband (Holiday Edition)


Husbands are good guys who just need a little help and prodding. Happy Wife, Happy Life. I'm here to help. If your family celebrates Christmas, read on. Does your wife seem more stressed around the holidays? Is she spiking her eggnog or drinking more champagne? It's possible this is not because she is in a festive mood, but rather she is self-medicating her holiday stress. You see, while women love the idea of Christmas and the idea of lavishing gifts on loved ones, in reality, it leaves us mired in self-judgment. The task list for the average mother is literally endless. At some point we run out of time and the list simply must come to an end. Darling husband, please review the below list. If you find anything you can take off her plate, you will be her Holiday Hero. If she has already completed the task, lavish her with gratitude. If you relax on the couch watching football while she feverishly decorates, shops and addresses Christmas cards, you will be deemed Scrooge and will receive coal in your stocking. As a helpful reminder, wives want to have sex with the Holiday Hero, not Scrooge.

  1. Organize a family photo shoot with a local family photographer.

  2. Decide what each family member will wear for this portrait.

  3. Decide on a location that is appropriate and festive for the shoot.

  4. Drag your complaining and bitter husband and children to the photo shoot and tolerate their whining.

  5. Choose one of MILLIONS of designs to use for your holiday photo card. Obsess over how many of your friends and neighbors chose the same one.

  6. Choose the layout. Order the cards.

  7. Decide who is on this years Christmas card list to insure you have enough cards and no one gets left off (horrors).

  8. Stress about the fact that you waited too long to order cards.

  9. Once they arrive, stuff the envelopes, seal them.

  10. If you didn't spend a small fortune to have them pre-addressed from last year's list, address them by hand.

  11. Stamp with a holiday themed stamp and deliver to the mailbox.

  12. By now, the tree better be out of storage.

  13. Decorate the tree.

  14. Store away all of the many, many boxes and containers that the decorations were stored in so that the house looks pristine.

  15. Decorate the rest of the house so that your children don't someday tell you that their childhood Christmases were less than memorable.

  16. Don't forget about the front yard.

  17. Have I mentioned the Elf? This requires unbelievable amounts of mental energy. He must move nightly to increasingly more creative destinations lest your children come home and tell you that your Elf is boring compared to all of their friends Elves.

  18. Organize festive family friendly events to take the kids to. Must include at least 2 billion lights.

  19. Shop, choose and purchase gifts for family, friends, co-workers, your kids friends, your kids parties, your white elephant parties.

  20. Be on the look out for adorable stocking stuffers that your entitled and jaded children will ooh and ahh over.

  21. Remember to pick up thoughtful gifts for teachers. Then actually go and purchase them. Make sure your child actually gives it to the teacher. And the Bus Driver. And Coaches.

  22. Rack your brain at least once daily trying to remember the one critical thing you're forgetting.

  23. Continue to parent, work and juggle daily tasks without letting anything fall through the cracks.

  24. If relatives are coming, clean the house.

  25. Ensure there are clean sheets on the guest beds, clean towels, plenty of bath necessities and toilet paper.

  26. Stock the fridge, pantry and bar.

I'm a mother so I don't have time to keep writing this list.

If after reviewing this list, you realize you have been less than heroic, find a meaningful way to let your wife know that you don't take her stress and hard work for granted. Acknowledge the effort (particularly mental effort) she put into making your family Christmas traditions special.

For further inquiries:

Check out Gina Watson, LMFT, at

Phone: (281) 560- 3230