Is your Partner Honest with you?


As I mentioned in one of my previous blogs, honesty is a foundation to any relationship. However, dishonesty in romantic relationships happens often and being caught in a lie or lies is a frequent reason why couples seek therapy. They want to "get past it". What they are seeking is to repair the trauma that the relationship has sustained. Sometimes the couple comes in when there is an admitted lie, and sometimes it is not and there is still a battle about the truth.

What are some signs that your partner isn't honest with you?

First of all, if you are a trusting person and don't have a history of being suspicious or mistrustful in the past or the current relationship, and you start to get a sickening feeling in your gut that something is going on, chances are, it is. Many lies about affairs or other things get revealed when a spouse has an impulse to look at his or her partner's phone or computer. There is a feeling that something is wrong. Usually, when they look, they find something.

What leads to this suspicion is a change in your partner's behavior, there is vagueness or secretiveness in what they say they do and their whereabouts. There is a change in routine, a feeling of distance and disconnection, often there is more time spent on the phone or computer, and the phone is not left unattended, there are calls and texts at unusual times and particular urgency to respond to them. Things feel different. There may have been some problems before, but this is on another level.

It is a traumatic situation for any couple and is a red flag for other issues that are problematic for the relationship. It cannot be ignored or "swept under the rug". It does not necessarily mean an end of a relationship, but it needs to be attended to very seriously. Honesty is important for any relationship to grow and survive.

For further inquiries:

Check out Irina Firstein, LCSW, at

Phone: (212) 953- 1388