The Sex Talk


Talking about sex when dating someone new can be exciting and nerve wracking. Based on the responses I received when I asked listeners to my podcast to share stories about their 1st time having sex with a new partner, more often than not the sex was unremarkable at best. Although, there can never be a guarantee that the first time will be mind-blowing, there are ways to communicate about sex to give you and your new partner the best chance of being satisfied the first time in the sack.

Bringing it up

This is usually the easy part but depending on how long you have been dating, it can also seem a little creepy and even disrespectful. With texting being the main form of communication, it is easy to turn a "Just got out of the shower" or "in bed" text into a sexual innuendo. It is ok to put out feelers but you don't want to be too aggressive. Communicating about sex should be more about getting to know your potential partner's history and interests and less about how fast you can convince them to sleep with you. Great ways to bring up the conversation is by talking about sex as you have seen it in media. If you have recently read an interesting article or are watching a movie with a steamy scene, pass it along and ask for their opinion.

Fetishes, BDSM, Dirty Talk, Oh My

Now that the conversations have started you may be a little shy in sharing your sexual interests. Although many of us (not all unfortunately) know the basics of anatomy and sex, that does not mean that your preferences fall into what another person considers normal sex. Oral sex is not expected for some people and there are even people who prefer not to give or receive. I know... Shocking! I also recently found out that choking is the standard for many people. I KNOW... SHOCKING! This means that it is important to share what you like even if you are concerned that the other person may not be into it. What's the point of having incompatible sex? Remember: If you don't share what you want, you are unlikely to get it! (Tweet this! or post on Instagram)

Go Slow

Even though it is important to communicate and share your desires, you do not need to talk about everything in one conversation. Just like everything else you learn about a person, it takes time to get to know a person sexually. These conversations should be built upon. The first conversation may be about safety precautions and the next may be about likes and dislikes. It may be awhile before you get into handcuffs and spanking.

No pressure

Conversations are just that. Just because the topic of sex has been brought up does not mean anyone should feel pressure to act. If you aren't ready to have sex with the person no need to sext and/or send pics. If after the conversation you see that you are not compatible, it is ok to walk away from the situation. Talking about your sexual interests does not mean anything more than you want to know more about the other person.

For further inquiries:

Check out Eboni Harris, Licensed Relationship Therapist, at

Phone: (832) 384- 4445